Good News?

Well, it's time for me to announce some more news.  I've decided to post this to our blog only and that way any one who does take the time to read this will get the scoop first.  I know I don't have that many readers, and that's OK.  I'm not that consistent of a blogger.  I do appreciate the one or two comments I get.  Everyone loves feedback.  So anyway, here is something to say thanks for following.  ;-)

We know what the baby is going to be!  My actual ultrasound isn't scheduled until May 4th but we were able to get a sneak peek a little while ago.  I had started having some pretty strong pains on my left side.  I remember what the stretching felt like with Lyla, similar to cramps but this was more like an ice pick stabbing me in one spot.  My doctor said that since I'm high risk (apparently it's risky to have a baby at 35 years old) and I have a history of cysts on my ovaries, we should go ahead and take a look to see if anything unusual is going on.

My ovary looked just fine.  That was good news.  Then we started to look closer at the baby.  This little person is already showing signs of a stubborn personality because they did not want to cooperate.  The technician was practically pounding on my stomach to get them to move around and they just did not want to give up the goods.  My only thought was, "this better not be a modest little girl."

I want to have a boy so bad!  I really really really want Luke to have a brother and not be sandwiched in between 2 older sisters and 2 younger ones.  Besides the fact that girls are SO emotional and the drama is never ending.  I'm still feeling overwhelmed at the thought of 5 kids and I just don't think I can handle another female in this house.

The tech asked me if I had any feelings one way or the other and I immediately said that I think it's a boy.  Of course it's a boy, we already have THREE girls.  This baby is coming to our family for a reason and we need a boy.  Right?  Well, I was wrong..... again.  She said, "Nope, it's a girl."  I couldn't even speak the tears were already starting to well up.  I just kept telling myself, "Don't cry until you get to the car.  Don't cry until you get to the car.  DON'T CRY UNTIL YOU GET TO THE CAR!"  I got out of there as fast as I could and jumped in the elevator.  There was another woman in there looking at her ultrasound pictures and she had the biggest smile on her face.  I had shoved mine in my purse the second she gave them to me and had to put my sunglasses on to hide my eyes.

It was just another blow to my "this is not what I had planned" ego.  When am I ever going to learn that I have absolutely no control over my life?

See, L.J. and I have a bazillion nieces.  Really.  Between the Crandells and the Browns there is an overwhelming number of girls running around and only a few boys.  I can remember when I was pregnant with Lyla and we told everyone we were having a girl.  We got responses like, "well, that's OK" and "we'll love her anyway".  Not one person said, "Yea, another girl!"  Since then we've had two more nieces born and already another two nieces are due before this baby will be here.  So here we go...another girl.

I couldn't tell anyone at first because I couldn't do it without crying.  I knew I had to get myself together and be happy about this before I could talk about it.  I kept telling myself I was being really stupid.  Reminding myself of all the years I had prayed for another baby and how lucky I was to get to do this again.  It shouldn't matter if it's a boy or a girl.  It's another spirit that Heavenly Father is trusting me to nurture and raise.  How can I be upset about that?  I'm human and I'm weak.

Then something happened that has really helped me turn my attitude around.  One afternoon I was at Wal-mart with Emily and we were returning something at Customer Service.  A worker ran up and told the girl helping me to call 911 because there was someone having a seizure.  We were done and I could tell by the commotion that we were going to have to walk right by where this was happening.  I was worried that Emily might get scared so I told her that we were going to go by quickly but not to stare.  They had everything under control.  As we did walk by I realized that it was a little girl, not much older than Lyla and she had brown curly hair too.  It hit me so hard how lucky I am to have four and now five HEALTHY kids.  How scary that must be for parents to have children with serious health conditions.  Getting pregnant may be my struggle in life but once I am, everything is fine.  I am very grateful for that.

L.J. is happy about having another girl.  It didn't matter to him either way, he's thrilled to have more kids.  When I was so upset his answer was just, "Well, looks like we'll have to try again."  Typical!  I am worried about naming this baby though.  We had such a hard time deciding on a name for Lyla.  I do love what we came up with but it took forever and we went around and around.  He likes names like Heaven or Patience.  To me those aren't even names, they're things.  He never likes the names I suggest so I already know it's going to be another struggle.  The funny thing is that we already had the perfect boy name picked out.  One name that we actually both agree on and it was perfect.  Now we won't even get to use it.  Don't ask me what it is though because I won't tell you.  Who knows, maybe we'll get another chance to try again.